Grief is by far the most powerful feeling one can
experience, it is a turmoil that encompasses the entire spectrum of human
emotion. There must be love and happiness for there to be suffering at its
absence. Grief strikes at any slight provocation and penetrates deeply. The
death of someone beloved is best likened to being stabbed in the heart, both in
the suffering and the experience of the world coming to an end. "One
must pay dearly for immortality; one has to die several times while still
alive." - Nietzsche
Grief is the epitome of the human condition; it is a shared
suffering, a universal force and a language that everyone one day will
understand. The feeling of absolute loss is the most confused state as a mind
can be in; forcing oneself to not let the agony show verses the moments of
weakness when we succumb to our tears of gratifying self-pity. Uninhibited
sorrow at the death of someone we love is the most tragic form of happiness.
German reformed theologian, Jürgen Moltmann writes that in
Jesus’s death on the cross God himself experiences death and makes himself
common with man. “When God becomes man in Jesus of Nazareth, he not only enters
into the finitude of man, but in his death on the cross also enters into the
situation of man’s godforsakenness. In Jesus he does not die the natural death
of a finite being, but the violent death of the criminal on the cross, the
death of complete abandonment by God. The suffering in the passion of Jesus is
abandonment, rejection by God, his Father. God does not become a religion, so
that man participates in him by corresponding religious thoughts and feelings.
God does not become a law, so that man participates in him through obedience to
a law. God does not become an ideal, so that man achieves community with him
through constant striving. He humbles himself and takes upon himself the
eternal death of the godless and the godforsaken, so that all the godless and
the godforsaken can experience communion with him.” (Jürgen Moltmann - The crucified God) This short paragraph says a lot. However what
he says about Jesus’ death is especially significant here. Moltmann explains
that Jesus himself feels the total abandonment of God in the same way that
humans do in their life of sin. He says that Jesus, in order to bridge the gap
between himself and mankind suffers the magnitude of God’s fury on himself.
This horrendous and intrinsically human suffering and death is what connects
God to mankind. Moltmann goes on to say that God’s power can only be understood
in the light of this death.
Since
last month I’ve been reading more C.S Lewis and it was his book a grief observed that inspired this
article. In this short but powerful book Lewis details his coming to terms with
the death of his wife. The book is written mostly in note form and over the
course of several months. Lewis initially published the book under the pen name
N.W Clerk in order to avoid being identified, for this reason he also refers to
his wife simply as “H” as an abbreviation for Helen.
Chapter
one is very immediately after “H’s” death, Lewis is concerned with the impact
the tragedy has had on him and those around him. He begins to establish the
framework for a greater theological thought. He makes clear the rejection of
the obvious cliché that this death has made him question God. Instead he asks
what he considers a worse question, “What
is God” he asks what kind of God would abandon him in his time of need; he
makes the metaphor of a locked door being bolted. He concludes by being
partially consoled by the thought that God abandons Jesus in his time of need
“Why hast thou forsaken me?”
In chapter two however Lewis makes a move towards the human
condition, he is almost angry with himself for his grief as he sees it as a
selfish state of mind as it focus’ more on us than the deceased and makes us
the victim. He begins to fear that that his memories of his wife are becoming
customised to his ideal. Lewis goes as far as to say “It’s like a form of
incest.” He criticises the idea of “Living forever in your memory” he finds
this a horrible idea as they are not ‘living’ and we do not love a memory. He
leaves this chapter pondering “Is it rational to believe in a bad God?”
Chapter three mainly focus’ on how faith can only be genuine
once it has been shaken to the core “We trust a rope is sturdy until it must
hold our weight”. In Lewis’ final chapter he makes the point that as God and
his wife are both no longer present in the world they are idols, only Jesus is
an independent reality.
I found this book aided me through a difficult time. I found
it to release some of the latent feelings from years prior that I had not dealt
with as a younger man. This book is by no means a poolside read, but is almost
unparalleled in helping move through the type of loss that encompasses ones
entire life.
It is common for grief to make us want to see light at the
end of the road, to want to imagine that there’s a better place. In these
moments of our greatest weakness the idea of God is most strong. However this
must be resisted, it is the easy way out, and it is not legitimate to accept
God because we want to. This is selfish belief and would not appeal to the
genuine presence of God. Grief instead should be properly suffered, moved
through like Atlas with the world on his shoulders and become part of our
experience as human beings and build our acceptance of life’s inevitable end. In
fear of death we are also in fear of life.
“This creature softened my heart of stone. With her died my
last warm feelings for humanity.” – Stalin (In his Eulogy for his first wife)